A bishop for every season

On Wednesday I
I was at the church where I sing in the choir on Sunday, practising

on their piano when a guy came in, he asked if I knew where father Graham was. I took him to the priests quarters and rang the bell, when someone answered the door the gentleman was told father Graham passes himself off as a Catholic priest when he is not , he's a vicar in a Christian church!  It reminded me of a bishop I met at the crematorium a while ago who was unlike any bishop, he was quite vulgar, he told Mark and I about a couple he had seen on his way to the crem,  being sexual in their car as he was driving up the motorway, he explained about her having her chest out, he very calm lunch used the T word, the one that is also a blue coloured bird. Then he asked me if I wanted to see his credentials, lifting his robe, pretending he was going to show his private parts,  he showed me his wallet! He was just about to conduct a funeral- I was disgusted!  This was the hypocrisy of  a religious figure that one doesn't expect at a funeral

Later I was cycling down to the cinema to see the sex tape, I chatted to a guy who was in a van marked ambulance with a logo of a company one the side I stopped him to ask if what it meant he explained that the Nhs pay private companies to provide patient transport, we had an interesting chat. It's odd how he asked me if I was an actor, or a famous celebrity- I don't know why, he seemed to think I was hiding it, when I told him that I am a volunteer music journalist. I said" if you want to have your fantasies that I am you can, but I am not and I don't want to be famous!"  He really did see something in me that I did not, he said I had a great voice I spoke well I was easy to understand, (he wasn't English) I could be a teacher...  I chatted to him for ages & missed the 7pm film. It was worth it!

The film was great.  It was funny, absorbing, and had thought provoking scenes in it. Which  didn't expect!

 The photo is the back of the British library. As I cycled down that road it captured my vision with it's imposing scale.

Life is changing again.

We dealt with Victor's things in his flat yesterday,  Y wants to keep it try to find a way which may be a big challenge with the council but just in case she didn't want the council to get his things things which held memories for her and Cam.

I was there til 1am last night helping sort through his bedroom filling boxes for charity, boxes of  things they wanted to keep especially for Cam, clothes etc we did find secret letters something which Cam wanted to investigate lt's like V had a diffferent life we didn't know about which he had kept a secret for over twenty years!
I can't say what it was yet until I get their permisssion...
 It was light hearted as well as sad... a girl who was the same age as Cam who knew Vic like a family member as well came to stay, to help with the sorting and give moral support, so we were all chatting and laughing at things. Especially the old books which said things about when the housewife had to cook, in the old days when women had to stay at home and keep house, it was hilarious!

I don't know what they did today as I my choir started again.

I was feeling tearful and angry earlier and I don't know why, I don't feel I have the right to feel that upset about V when he wasn't as close to me ...but maybe it brings up things about my mum, as I felt quite low last Wednesday being at the Royal free hospital, remembering when I was there with my mum, and I didn't want to stay as I thought V was going to pass  that night. I wanted to leave yet I felt I had to stay in case I regretted it, and to support them...

The good fight is over.

So, it's finally all over, the last few days have been surreal going to the hospital every day- It's amazing how Victor has been so up and down, one minute on death's door semi conscious, then the  next chatting again... it seemed he was fine when we were there then in the small hours he would deteriorate. Finally the doctors said he wasn't improving and they had to make a decision which they struggled with and I said best to ask V if he wants to let go which he said he did by squeezing Camille's hand -
It was just a matter of waiting it could have been a few days but I think once he knew that they had accepted his letting go he didn't fight anymore...

So that night I was sitting in Mcdonalds in Kentish town past midnight and Yolande called, I thought she's probably bored in the ward, but no, it was to say that V had had his last breath and he had passed!

 Thinking back last night I  realised as I cycled to hospital the first day I had detached myself from Victor all the years I knew him, in 20 years I didn't give him any affection although I was fond of him...odd.. but I did hold his hand a bit in hospital, and kissed him on the head the second day when he was alert and seemed to be getting better, also when I left Saturday night knowing I may not see him again, he was semi conscious then or maybe asleep, as he didn't respond. ..it's easier for them now having spent literally 5 days at the hospital taking it in turns also he was comfortable and had his dignity as Yolande said Cami had his first day at Guildhall Uni tomorrow he promised Vic he would carry on as normal as did Yolande.
Another post I didn't publish! Written in 2014! Do I think so little of my writing ? Yes maybe it is boring for people but I may as well put it out there nothing to lose eh!!

The miracle has been relinquished.

Last night was fantastic at the hospital, Victor was in great spirits  chatting happily with Yolande and Cam when I arrived.  The nurse didn't laugh at his jokes,  sadly her sense of humour seemed to have been taken away from her, perhaps the nhs stole it away. .. We stayed til 10pm all so happy we felt like we had been given a gift!  Yolande told me the doctors couldn't believe he had pulled through!

We left on a high, the three of us were like teenagers messing around- Cam got in a discarded push chair and his mum tried to push him, (no chance! )

Y and I went back to Victor's and discussed the terrible  things that are happening with the UK especially the privatisation of the Nhs. I said basically we will have to stay well as we won't be able to afford treatment!  Use all the self development tools we have learnt to stay positive, in order not to be ill! We became a bit maudlin til we talked about how it would be great to grow your own vegetables, or make products from natural resources, as Y made her own toothpaste, from coconut cream and some other ingredient, I can't remember which ..

Then we discussed the visualisation technique which really does work! Trevor my teacher uses it in solo singing class at the City lit. He talks about imagining you have a mouth at the back of your head, and when you want to open your soft palate to produce a high note, you imagine that little mouth opening.  I think of that advert where the cartoon character's head splits in two so he can brush his teeth. It works!
At 530 am the hospital called Cam to say Victor deteriorated again back to square one!

life hanging in the balance.

 Yesterday I must say was a weird day, It started off in a normal way; breakfast, the usual vocal warm up exercises, back and knee stretches -something I have to do every day now for all the cycling I have done and will be doing over the years , in order not to get the aching in my knees again...Bath etc...
Then out for a coffee at McDonald's, to do my routine virtual surveying and general texting. Onto the bike shop to have my lights fixed, I go to am pleased to say that Simpson's of Malden Roadm, Queens crescent, which is a brilliant shop, they have helped me over the years, fixing things cheaper and quickly too-My partner who although he lives in Cricklewood is quite happy to travel there, as he reckons the sun shines out of their derrières! After losing business because of the internet, and having to shut 2 days a week  plus carry less stock, I  am pleased to say they seem to be picking up now!
Thank god! The little independent shops should prosper not become swallowed up because of people like the cycle manufacturers who's name starts with the letter B... the small  bikes which I call a saddle on a stick, in fact Simpson's stock their bikes and  had bought load of them but when Simpson's were losing business as they had bought so many on a sell or return which as it came to thousands of pounds  tried to return them, B wouldn't honour the agreement! In my eyes B must stand for  a rude word which used to be used to described someone who doesn't know his or her father, which I suppose it totally non PC  which is damn right !

 I had to rush to the Royal free hospital  last night as Victor (who is like my friend Yolande's' son Camille's surrogate father) who is 87, has  Bronchitis Pneumonia  (last night they said COPD which is different I think, or maybe part of the same category as that is an umbrella name for lung diseases)  and had a minor heart too.

Apparently  people don't get through what he has at his age... he was in a semi conscious state when I got there at 8ish , eyes closed and looking like he was not with it at all, although they said he could hear us it seemed impossible to think that, but I guess it's like when someone is in a coma... he did occasionally make tiny noises(it seemed like they were in his sleep) and opened his eyes for a milli second at one point, but it did seem like he was out of it... and his body was shutting down,  the doctor said that would happen as the acidity in his body got higher his organs would shut down...
AND yet now  he is stable... as he opened his eyes last night, it seemed like a miracle as we thought he would just slip away, the hospital said he would...either last night or in a few days!
Tonight when I arrived there he was chatting away Yolande said the doctor's were amazed that he had come through it when by rights he should be dead or nearly dead!

Life in the sunshine!

I was feeling stifled in my flat, sun is pouring into my small office-come -drying room- come Milly's bedroom (she sleeps on my jumper basket at night), but as it's on the fourth floor and only has one window it feels like you are detached from the ouside world, where everyone is bustling around, enjoying their live's in the sunshine! So I decide  to depart from this encapsulation to what seems like a slice of heaven, namely Chloe's in Regents Park Road, ( the railway bridge part), and although the interior of Chloe's  looks divine:like being in a the country, with the large stones as flooring, luscious fruit in baskets, and lovely wood all around, sitting outside watching people go by smiling in the sun,  is the perfect antidote for any mood! that could be the name of a song..Smiling in the Sun... I love the way the tables are at an angle, even if it's a challenge to balance your coffee it gives it character (albeit by accident!) The lovely brightly coloured plants in metal pots are cheerful and add an air of freshness, the other day I sat at a table which had  a mini cactus on it! Of course the ambience of the owner Chloe being so welcoming adds to the experience!

We stand together in unity!

I am typing this with my adorable little black cat (who I hasten to add was a stray) Milly on my lap, with her whiskers tickling me. She is  named after the main character Millicent, in  a play I wrote in  1999, and then  lost after dropping a glass from a shelf onto the screen of an old laptop, it was called  "Trapped". Soho theatre said it had potential if I made it longer, which I did, and then lost it all when I smashed the laptop screen...reminiscing over what could have been.Anyway I went to the NHS Rally yesterday, I arrived at 5ish, Trafalgar SQ was still quite packed. There was a feeling of real solidarity, it was something that made me feel emotional at times. Billy Bragg  was singing, he had a certain anger which made me sad,but I do understand why as I said to my friend you can't get things done if you love everyone, and let them walk over you, they will just do what they intended to do anyway. My way of being peaceful and supportive doesn't work for everything.. Billy B said the enemies aren't the newspapers, as they are just doing their job, it's our own cynicism! Pity there has to be an enemy really...what happened to love thy neighbour? After Billy B, finished his singing and speech making the Labour MP for Hammersmith came up on stage, Andrew, (I didn't get his surname) amongst other things he  mentioned the people who sat outside Hammersmith Hospital for days on end, to stop the A and E from being shut down. That takes a certain type of person with focus, drive AND a love of humanity! Rufus Hound came down on his motorbike from the Savoy theatre, and gave an explosive speech, using son of a guns in the first instance about MP'S,  then when he became really fired up he used son of b's nearly saying bitches, but remembering before he used the whole word! I wondered if he suppressed himself because bitch is non PC ... at the end Billy B came on again and sung I will walk 5OO miles , the stewards and other speakers on stage were singing along. which made it more poignant! At the end I noticed a woman who was wearing bright purple, my favorite colour, I asked if I could take a photo which she kindly agreed. Here she is below!

McDonald's human traffic revised...

I haven't ever blogged before and must admit have been extremely reticent in the past, but there have been times where I felt I wish I could share PARTICULAR moments with someone... for example meeting a rather unusual bunch of characters in the Notting Hill McDonald's last week! I had been to see the film
" Two Nights And One Day," a very good French social drama, about a woman (whose name escapes me so I shall call her Flori) whose co-workers after being told they would forfeit their bonus if she is kept on at the factory,  have decided their bonus is worth more to them than her, she Flori  is livid (AS you would be!) and asks her boss to arrange another secret ballot he reluctantly agrees and gives her the  weekend to verbally fight for her worth as an individual in order to overturn the decision!

 After  the film I wandered over to McDonald's to feed my latte habit and after a little while a deaf drunk guy Kevin, came over and pointed his finger at me smiled and said very loudly don't do that (he obviously realised the sitting in mcdonalds is not a great end to the evening) he thinks it's hilarious, but everyone else winces.

I turned to the couple next to me which comprised of a woman who I suspect is much older  than her partner I find out soon enough her name is Camilla, and she is Mexican.She tells me she os   teaching the younger guy Gorge who is sitting opposite her Spanish, he is a Russian  translator & also being taught English by another older woman Julie, who is sitting on another table nearby- she (Julia) has wet serviettes on her hand as it's swollen and painful. Apparently She had been passed around from doctor to clinic to hospital and still waiting to be seen! The pain is so bad she can't even put her arm through the arm hole on her coat so she's wearing a duvet...no not really! When Gorge calms Kevin down with a combination of semi sign language and soothing shushing... Kevin disappears for a while. ..

Things progress smoothly we chat and at 11pm the McDonald's manager came over to get us out. I walked outside with Julie, she told me she's going on a bus ride with her friend Hubert, he's just gone home to get his cat...we chat for a little while till Hubert appeared with Furry a cute little black cat,who perches between Julie and him.. Hubert told me Furry is allowed in Caffee Nero as long as he didn't sit on the table.. The last I saw of the trio was trotting off to get their 31 bus ...

Just your average night at Notting Hill McDonald's, a far cry from Camden Town McDonald's,
 where at the weekends a security guard stands by the tills trying not to look bored,
 making sure drug addicts don't drop syringes in the disabled loo,or swear loudly at each other. .or so I was told yet I have yet to witness any fracas ...there are drunk yuppies with bottles of red wine cheering or singing, gaggles of giggling girls, serious pensioners discussing lottery results ...